Sunday, 28 July 2013

When friends become just friends

This is not about facebook friends. This is about real friends.

There are many reasons for a friendship or blood tie to crumble and fade away from your life. It could be because you've suddenly become busy with a new career, new love or even moved to a different place. Whatever the reason may be, a change is always hard to accept but you will get over it and move on because you know, it's the right thing to do. However, to lose this comforting closeness due to the arrival of a baby, is a little harder to accept.

I could go on babbling about how busy life gets with children but that's what, most parents use as their winning argument when complaining. It's not false, these reasons are valid but 8 years ago, it didn't dawn upon me to think about how this change would affect my friends.

I had been bestowed by a miracle of life, a tiny doll like playmate, who despite taking over my pre-baby lifestyle, managed to tattoo herself in my heart and was, perfect in every sense. I expected friends to understand and admire my new super powers; the ability to produce a life form.

With great power comes great responsibility.

Motherhood is liberating (I have never been braver to voice out my opinions) but limited (I had to put a halt on many personal interest). It changes you in ways you least expected it.
You become too preoccupied, ensuring you are doing everything right for your baby. You neglect yourself and people around, especially in the early days after delivery.

Real friends would stick around and give you the space to recover and get over the initial, 'I'm in love' phase. A feeling similar to that of teenage-love, where you cannot bear being separated from your boyfriend. Admiring everything about him, the way he speaks, laughs, plays football for the school team and everything he does, is wonderful to watch. 
With children, this phase tends to linger on for a couple of years!
This is when, friends start to fade away if you don't bounce back up and shed off, some of your preoccupied mind to make space for friends.

Things will never be the same again (sing it to TLC tune).

Free and easy, a term used very frequently in my pre-baby lifestyle, doesn't apply any longer in my post baby life. Every outing needs to be meticulously planned, especially if it's an adult only affair because it means my breastfed baby will be cared by another. Luckily for me, I didn't encounter many of these night.
I managed to have get-togethers which were good for kids and adults alike. You'd be amazed at how much fun it can be. Having more than a pair of hands to fuss over your 'mini-me' is great.

This is a fabulous way to stay connected with your friends and family. It is good for the children too because they learn to socialise early and would know how to carry themselves when they meet people out of their normal circle of friends. This was brilliantly proven during our recent holiday to a local beach. My girls were quick at making good judgments of characters and easily made friends with children from other cultures.

I am truly blessed to have found friends who have stuck with us from thick to thin.
Cheers to the years we have spent together and to many more!

You'll Never Walk Alone

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