Parenting epiphany, a moment of sudden revelation or insight received as a parent.
A mirage in the middle of town?! I found it hard to grasp because to my limited knowledge, mirages only happen in the deserts. In far away barren lands with hostile living condition that you’d be surprised to see any animals or plants. So what the heck was a mirage doing right in the middle of my town? A bustling town. Was I hallucinating or had I gone into a dream like state, again, at this infamous junction that hasn’t failed at turning unsuspecting decent motorists into hooligans, thanks to the ill timed traffic lights.
My doubts were cast aside when I saw a person walking over this mirage. It was hard to see who, but I could make out it was a beggar from her gestures.
"Is she mad, being out in the sun at this particular junction at this time of the day!?", would have been my usual thought but not today. Today was different because I had been schooled by my tween.
A couple of weeks back, while I was stuck at this very junction with my boisterous children, I had ignored a beggar who knocked on my window and drove off without an ounce of guilt. The result was detrimental to my ego.
"How could you?!” muttered my tween daughter. “Would it have made you poorer if had you just handed him some coins from your heavy purse?!" she continued with fat tears rolling down her cheeks. The anger, disappointment and sadness in her voice caught me by surprise and it made me feel so awful, so guilty and so low.
In an instance, our jovial mood had turned grey because of my refusal to help someone in need. It was too late to change what I did then but it had left a lasting impression and I had learned a life lesson from my child.
What she said was very matured and made so much sense. Her uncorrupted innocence, managed to prove how flawed my adult reasoning can be sometimes.
There was so much truth in her reasoning. I wouldn't have become poorer by handing the beggar some cash but he sure as hell would have benefited from it.
I am a queen of justification and always had good arguments up my sleeves to back up my actions, even when I was wrong. It was my way to lessen the guilt-trip but this skill was rendered useless, this time. For every justification I made, my tween’s response made me look even more foolish. So what even if the beggar was a cheat or was fooling every driver at the junction into handing him some spare cash? Or that he was just plain lazy to get a job and hence had to beg. “SO WHAT MOM!”
It is amazing, how pure a child’s heart is compared to mine which has been corrupted by many negative thoughts and suspicions.
Today, I had to brush away that negativity and look beyond the tattered clothes. It should not matter to me why this beggar is standing outside my car window, in this smouldering heat, begging. That was her purpose and I had to make a choice. I am glad I did what I did because seeing what that small gesture of mine had brought was more valuable than keeping my purse impregnated. It made her happy and it made me happy.
Every day I am learning new ways to live a little happier by watching my kids and their friends. They are young but they carry so much wisdom in their acts, especially when it concerns love. Their idea of love is so pure and innocent. They don't see colour, creed, race, status or seek recognition for their deeds. They feel with their heart and are not worried about wearing their hearts on their sleeves. They are not afraid of rejection and would ask, over and over again, only to be rejected once more. To live with children is all about learning to live like a connected being and not a single entity.