An unexpected lesson

Parenting epiphany, a moment of sudden revelation or insight received as a parent.

A mirage in the middle of town?! I found it hard to grasp because to my limited knowledge, mirages only happen in the deserts. In far away barren lands with hostile living condition that you’d be surprised to see any animals or plants. So what the heck was a mirage doing right in the middle of my town? A bustling town. Was I hallucinating or had I gone into a dream like state, again, at this infamous junction that hasn’t failed at turning unsuspecting decent motorists into hooligans, thanks to the ill timed traffic lights.

My doubts were cast aside when I saw a person walking over this mirage. It was hard to see who, but I could make out it was a beggar from her gestures.

"Is she mad, being out in the sun at this particular junction at this time of the day!?", would have been my usual thought but not today. Today was different because I had been schooled by my tween.

---

A couple of weeks back, while I was stuck at this very junction with my boisterous children, I had ignored a beggar who knocked on my window and drove off without an ounce of guilt. The result was detrimental to my ego.

"How could you?!” muttered my tween daughter. “Would it have made you poorer if had you just handed him some coins from your heavy purse?!" she continued with fat tears rolling down her cheeks. The anger, disappointment and sadness in her voice caught me by surprise and it made me feel so awful, so guilty and so low.

In an instance, our jovial mood had turned grey because of my refusal to help someone in need. It was too late to change what I did then but it had left a lasting impression and I had  learned a life lesson from my child. 

What she said was very matured and made so much sense. Her uncorrupted innocence, managed to prove how flawed my adult reasoning can be sometimes.

There was so much truth in her reasoning. I wouldn't have become poorer by handing the beggar some cash but he sure as hell would have benefited from it.

I am a queen of justification and always had good arguments up my sleeves to back up my actions, even when I was wrong. It was my way to lessen the guilt-trip but this skill was rendered useless, this time. For every justification I made, my tween’s response made me look even more foolish. So what even if the beggar was a cheat or was fooling every driver at the junction into handing him some spare cash? Or that he was just plain lazy to get a job and hence had to beg. “SO WHAT MOM!”

It is amazing, how pure a child’s heart is compared to mine which has been corrupted by many negative thoughts and suspicions.

Today, I had to brush away that negativity and look beyond the tattered clothes. It should not matter to me why this beggar is standing outside my car window, in this smouldering heat, begging. That was her purpose and I had to make a choice. I am glad I did what I did because seeing what that small gesture of mine had brought was more valuable than keeping my purse impregnated. It made her happy and it made me happy.

Every day I am learning new ways to live a little happier by watching my kids and their friends. They are young but they carry so much wisdom in their acts, especially when it concerns love. Their idea of love is so pure and innocent. They don't see colour, creed, race, status or seek recognition for their deeds. They feel with their heart and are not worried about wearing their hearts on their sleeves. They are not afraid of rejection and would ask, over and over again, only to be rejected once more. To live with children is all about learning to live like a connected being and not a single entity.

What did you learn from your children today? 

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Real time connection

It was a tempestuous year that taught me a lot about life, people and karma. It churned me to be a little better and wiser too, or so I would like to believe. It showed me the importance of being present and to appreciate all the good I have in my life - health, environment, wealth, people and animals.

Every day I see my own reflection in my children’s eyes, is a blessing and an opportunity bestowed upon me to try out something new or to repeat something old.

...

At the stroke of midnight every 31st December, I used to exclaim my resolution. It was a tradition I picked up and many I knew were doing it too. However all that has been forgotten over the last decade. I stopped making resolutions because I got real with myself. My resolutions always got swept under a dusty rug either because I don’t have the sustainability in me to keep them or they were not properly thought through. So when my tween asked what was my resolution for 2015, I fell into the same trap of trying to make one up. I had to because she was just too young for my cynicism in relation to resolutions.

Ha! So here I was, in the middle of February with a new year's resolution. A resolution nevertheless even if it was made to feed her curiosity.

Little did I know, that I had actually made that resolution sometime in December, (which was why I was quick at responding to my tween) looking back at the valuable lessons I learned over the past year during a trying time in our family (my mom-in-law’s battle with cancer). A time which brought many of us together and forced us to set our differences (or indifferences) aside. It had taught me to appreciate everything I had in my life, good or bad. To be thankful and to be present. To be grateful for each day even if I dreaded it and wished it to end soon, because her words have etched themselves forever in my mind. "I am sad that I had to suffer this illness to see my family back together, but I am grateful for it."

I learned to accept people for who they are and accept their way of life, no matter how different or weird it may seem to me. I learned to be comfortable at being just me and not change in another person's company just to fit in.

Seeing the amount people, from near and far, that stepped up to offer support at my mother-in-law's funeral was an eye opener. Flashbacks of another funeral long ago began playing in my mind. I remembered seeing as many people for my dad’s funeral too but I was too young to understand the significance of it, I do today.

Both my dad and mom in law must have been very good community people to receive such an overwhelming send off at their funeral or was it that people in the past were more connected than the generation now? I wondered.

I am no exception. I too had become too preoccupied with my little family that my world shrunk and revolved around only a handful of people. Life in my little world was comfortable and it made me feel like I was the greatest mom ever, by placing all of me - my every waking moment, into looking after their needs and wants.

My family became my top priority and I turned down many requests or invitations for weddings, reunions, dinners, parties or meet-ups because these inconvenienced the setting's of my little world. I always had an excuse up my sleeve whenever any chance to reconnect with others interfered with my children’s nap time, play time, feeding time, school, music lessons and so much more. I had grown accustomed to my new mundane routine life and I liked what I had or was too lazy to change it.

I turned into a desperate housewives who craved for some connection other than my virtual connection and that's when I realised, I had my mothering (not parenting) all wrong. Although the past cannot be erased or rewind, I learned a lot from it and I am grateful that I did sooner, than later.

My realisation came the day I started believing in enough is OK. It was easy for me to believe that because I was never a go-getter, chasing after the best in everything but somehow, without me knowing it, I became exactly that in my mothering journey - always trying to ensure that my children got the best of the best; meals, a spick-and-span home, and safe environment, just to name a few.

All that is history and my kids are still happy and alive! They’re happier now that we are going out more often, meeting more people and learning new stuff. They did not turn into little gremlins like I thought they would if they had missed their nap, food was served late, they had to dig out their clothes from my piled up laundry basket (I am cringing as I confess to this) or had to wear pyjamas, all day long.

Children are amazing! They adapt so much easier compared to adults. They have proven to be survivors and fend for themselves without my meddling.

They occupied themselves while I learned to adapt to connecting, face to face, with other people. Touchy, feely, breathing, smelly with no screen protector people! Feeling people’s emotions, laughter and sorrow in real time, without any delay or buffering. I learned to do it the old-school way, how it was and should be. I slowly, brick by brick, built my own (real) community, the way my dad and mom in law stayed connected with their community. It is a slow progress because without my keyboard to communicate my thoughts, I feel handicapped. Luckily no one has come up with some smart label for this or else there would be one new disorder I would be belting up.

I am not erasing my past, I am simply rewinding it and adding important details to it. Details which I had forgotten in these past years.

Happy New Year, even if I am late by a couple of months but lets celebrate because every day above the ground, is a good day.

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Creamy Coconut Mushrooms and Spinach Pasta

We are not Italians but Italian food seems to dominate our weekly food menu. The biggest fans are my kids. Even the toddler doesn't get tired of it. Their all time favourite is pasta. Cook it any way and it is always a hit!

If given a choice, creamy pasta and lasagne would be their pick. The creamy and the gooey cheesy texture, almost like mac and cheese would be their demand but we all know too much of anything is never good.

So let's get straight to today's recipe. It is vegetarian and vegan friendly too. This recipe is so versatile that you can un-vegetarianise (sorry that's not even a real word, I know) it by adding some pieces of chicken breast or left over pulled pork or chicken, roast chicken, bacon, turkey ham, prawns or tuna flakes or chunks. The options are limitless.

Ingredients

250gm Drum wheat semolina spaghetti cooked al dente

200gm baby spinach (washed and drained)

200gm white mushroom sliced (Portobello mushrooms would give a meatier taste)

1 large onion sliced thin (we want rings)

2 heaping tablespoons coconut cream (or more, depending on your preference)

2 tablespoons of coconut or olive oil

Salt and pepper to taste

Optional:
If you like some heat, add sliced fresh chili before taking out saute onions or chili flakes to give it some oomph! If you want to indulge then turn this pasta into a star by replacing oil with pure butter and add a little fresh cream towards the end to give it a glistening appeal.

Method

Saute the onions in a heavy deep pan with a tablespoon of oil until they are brown and aromatic. Remove and drain them on kitchen towel. Add another tablespoon of oil and the sliced mushroom into the same pan. Saute until these turn brown too. Be patient as this may take a while. Once the mushrooms sucks up all its sweat, that's when they are perfectly cooked. Raw foodies will not agree with me on this.

Return browned onions back into the pan, throw in the baby spinach and give it a quick stir. You can add some salt at this point or towards the end before adding the cooked spaghetti.

Before adding coconut, you must dilute it with some warm water and let it simmer for a minute. Then mix to combine all ingredients, add salt and pepper to taste and finally add in the cooked spaghetti. Lunch is served! 

But, like I mentioned earlier, my kids enjoy cheese on almost anything and are able to tolerate it, I added 1/2 cup of shredded, aged cheddar cheese. 

This is the point the spaghetti in the pan starts speaking to you, sploosh, sploosh, sploosh.

Vegans, look away.

Whole load of cheese

A pictorial guide just for you.

This makes a great tiffin food for kids to pack in their insulated lunch box. I made this spaghetti at 11.30 am and it was still warm at 2pm.

Hope you will enjoy making and eating it as much as we did and let us know how was it. If you improvised it, please do share that too.

Here is a prove! My toddler enjoying her gooey lunch. It was so good, she decided to eat it with her fingers. Finger licking good.

Thanks! Do stay tuned and if you liked this recipe, go over to my recipe page for more.

For more recipes, please head over to my Recipes page

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A date in the skies

I'm horribly lazy, I must confess. My dear husband as well, is no shining example of a man driven to not sit still in the weekends. We're both made for each other. Our enemy is that tiny but powerful button on our alarm clock, camouflaged with a cute sounding name like 'Snooze'. 

It was a Saturday following an early Friday evening. The best of plans were laid and we were to comfortably complete our mission without any hindrances or delays. The kids were to sleep in, my mother accommodatingly giving us a chance for a real date, a real date in the skies literally.

Alas, 'snoozing' more than twice, I suddenly jolted up from my pillow realizing we were 20 minutes late and running. Breakfast and the morning bathroom rituals were cast aside asunder. Suffice to say, we weren't giddily excited and buoyant with our moods having to sacrifice such vital parts of our Saturday mornings.

The rush to our destinations were peppered with accusations from each of us on who was supposed to be responsible for our lack of tardiness. Imagine a scene from The Amazing Race, but with much lesser attractive people and less subtle dialogue. You'll get the picture just fine. The rest of it was, as they say, history.

Hundreds of adventure seeking enthusiasts were already lining up even before the crack of dawn to get their hands on tickets for a tethered ride on hot air balloon while we had ours handed to us along with a media pass. Tickets that awarded us an experience to be in an actual hot air balloon flight with no strings attached! Skipping coffee was so worth it!

Armed with a sophisticated digital camera and media pass, I went American Sniper (film) and shot every potential target - click, click, click non stop. I even crashed a wedding proposal and got a close up pose. It wasn't long after that I remembered Uncle Ben's advice to Peter Parker from Spiderman, "with great power comes great responsibility" and eased off a little. 

There were 20 hot air balloons from across the globe sharing Putrajaya's airspace on that day (14 March 2015). It took more than five balloon crew members and about 15 minutes to set up one air balloon. It involved spread opening the balloon with big fan blowers while it lay deflated on the ground like a sleeping giant and heat from big gas cylinders to push it up to the sky. Once it was up, we climbed into the rattan basket attached to the balloon while the balloon crew anchored it to the ground with their body weight.

Scared, exhilarated and excited . I was a bag of mixed emotions in that tiny basket because that's all it was, a basket. It had no safety net, no parachutes and not even a first aid kit in it. I stood close to the pilot, almost crushing her against the basket so she never got a chance to climb out with me in it because of a silly thought, what if the balloon takes flight without a pilot? Would I jump or pilot it myself? Yet, I stayed in as it ascended into the clear crisp morning sky. 

Take off was just one word command, "OK!" from the pilot and we were off the ground in a heartbeat. Never had I seen buildings, people and cars looks so tiny so quickly as we travelled swiftly up into the sky. Once high up in the sky, we were at the mercy of the wind that had the power of navigation. It could blow us to whichever direction it fancied.

After a knee trembling lift off, the serenity, stillness and silence I felt once up in the sky was simply awesome that I should’ve sang 'Everything is awesome' Lego movie song. For couple of minutes no one spoke and had their gaze transfixed into the vastness of the horizon, each from their little corner in the basket. I could hear the gentle wind blowing but all that came to an abrupt end when more heat from burner was released into the big balloon that was ferrying us.

There aren’t many parts that make up a hot air balloon but I kept a watchful eye on the burner because our safety depended on it. The pilot also gave us a brief history lesson on hot air balloon. I was very contented sharing the basket with her and wished the flight never came to end. Right up to the point I started probing her of some hot air balloon mishaps. Note, never ask about mishaps while you're still flying.

"Let's land this bugger" said the pilot shortly after our Q&A and these words were like music to my ears. I was eager and happily welcomed her suggestion. We landed on a small vacant spot in between some houses. It was still windy during landing, so had to prepare for a rough landing. “Keep knees bent” she instructed, followed by a loud thud and skid. We were dragged by the wind a few metres away from our landing spot but just before the edge of a small hill. Going over that would have landed us on hard tar road.

Some residents flocked to the hot air balloon and took pictures with us. We obliged because we were sitting ducks in the basket, awaiting for the balloon crew to help anchor it to the ground before we can climb out. If one of us were to jump out prematurely, the balloon might ascend back into the sky. I was back at crushing the pilot between me and the basket, so she had no chance to jump out.

It all ended well and will be an experience we shall not forget. We even made a video interview with Ashley from Capital FM 88.9

Being interviewed by Ashley from Capital FM and sharing our experiences on a hot air balloon.

For more pictures, check out my other post, Flying with no wings (coming soon...)

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My Green Highway

Every year during festive season, thousands of Malaysians get into their trusted car and flood the highways of Malaysia. They travel many kilometers and brave the notorious traffic jam which literally turns highways into your neighbourhood roads. The only similarity between your neighbourhood road and highway would be the speed of your drive, almost at snail pace. Why do we do it then? Why join the mad rush of balik kampung?

We do it too and I can give you many reasons as to why we do it but that's not the point of this post. It is also not a place for me to vent my frustration over all the wrong doings committed by weary drivers. (I am no exception)

My family and I have travelled these roads more times than I can recall and it never ceased to amaze me with its beauty. I have not travelled much outside my own country but to the few places that I have been, its beauty cannot compete with what I see here on my green highway. Perhaps that's me just being bias. After all, this is my country. 

Let's start with North-South Highway which is the longest highway in Malaysia. It pretty much connects most of the the states (West Coast of Peninsular), from Johor to Perlis and the famous Penang and Langkawi Island too.

The drive along the highway from KL to Ipoh is pretty much boring (to me) because it is mostly commercial land with palm oil plantations. That's rows after rows of me staring out of my window and looking at neatly aligned matured palm trees. 

As you get closer to Ipoh (the land of hills and many caves), things start to get exciting and you switch from straight line cruising to driving along a windy highway. Highway that was built along the grid lines of nature instead of a concrete tunnel that cut through the magnificence hills and concealing your sight from beholding its beauty.

Aim to be near Ipoh either at sunrise or sunset and be awed at the beauty this highway has to offer. 

I am a true beach bum and enjoy watching the sun paint the sky with different shades of orange and red. Also how these colours reflect on the water as it sets. Making it look like a magical display of colours on moving canvas. I get the same thrill (minus the wet sand between my toes) watching the sunset on this highway. The same display of colours in the sky but instead of a reflection off the water, the sun rays peeking through thick clouds  and mountain top, makes it look like a laser show at some big concert. 

A breathtaking sight that no photography skill of mine is ever able to capture its beauty to share. This is one of those nature's bounties that you have to be there, be one with the moment to experience and take it all in. 

The drive from Ipoh to Taiping is covered with lush green flora and fauna (though I did not see any fauna but I know they are there, hiding). Taiping is the wettest part of Malaysia so it is nice to wind down car windows and let in some fresh air.

After Taiping, the drive up north will showcase padi fields. Get used to seeing vast green land with neatly arranged low shrubs and sometimes a flock of storks performing their perfectly synchronised bird flight in the clear blue skies. 

Hope you've enjoyed my short glimpse of my green highway. I've shared only a fraction of the beauty seen on my green highway. Head over to Karak Highway or even up to the chilly mountains of Frazier Hills, Genting Highlands or Cameron Highlands for a completely different experience. Be mesmerised by what our bountiful nature has to offer and bask in its beauty. Let's not let these treacherous traffic jams turn us into monstrous being. Stay calm and drive safe.

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Do it for the living

"Are you sure we are doing the right thing?" I asked my husband again, as we were driving back to his hometown for our annual Chinese New Year's reunion dinner.
It seemed a little odd to be having a celebration when just a hundred days ago, we were grieving over the loss of his mom.

"We are doing it for the living" that was all he had to say to put my doubts at ease. So much truth in what he had just said.

Death is inevitable and a sad experience but it should not stop the rest of us from carrying on with our life. It may alter one's lifestyle (when someone you love is taken away from the equation) but always presents an opportunity to adapt to a "new" lifestyle without that someone.

Today we learned to adapt to that new lifestyle. This was the first time we were having our Chinese New Year's reunion dinner without her around. She, a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a daughter and a sister who would organise this reunion dinner, year after year, wasn't there doing what she did the best, being in charge of the kitchen.

I must confess, it was not awkward at all! It was nothing like I had imagined. It was the way it had been every year prior to her demise. The food may have been a little different this year and my girls did some work in the kitchen without being asked to, which was a pleasant surprise but the reunion had the same warmth and love. It was an enjoyable evening sitting together and enjoying the meal prepared by my aunt (her younger sister).

I learned a few things from my aunt who is known for her creativity in cooking and made some very unique dishes for us. One worthy to be mentioned was her vegetarian drumsticks. She used sugarcane as the sticks and bean curd skin as the meat! How innovative is that? You get to enjoy the "meat" and the "bone" too! Sweet suckling bone.
Everything she made (except for the meat) was from her own backyard. She has tapioca plants, papayas, chilies, sweet potatoes and much more.

I know now why mandarin oranges are a must during Chinese New Year. In Chinese they are referred to as gold. Kam means gold. So it is expected of you to bring along some Kam when you visit your relatives and friends during this festive season. You are expected to give Ang Pow (red packet) a monetary gift along some Kam to your parents and grandparents.

The were no moments of awkward silence. We hardly noticed mom wasn't around. I am sure she would have wanted it this way. I don't want to admit it but I got to say, my husband was right. We live for the living and today's reunion dinner was all about that. It was about fostering our relationship with them and keeping the connection going.

I am sure she would have wanted us to stay united for as long as we can.
Happy Chinese New Year to you, wherever you may be.

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