Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Delivering an Eulogy is hard to do

When my husband first met me, he said I had verbal diarrhea for I could not stop talking. I would say anything whenever a moment of silence found its way around me. I spoke because I was uncomfortable with silence. It made me feel awkward and nervous. Silence was a torture and wrong in so many ways.

That was my past. These days, with three happy little monsters, silence is all I crave. Something I only get when they are asleep and that's when I start jabbbering away in my virtual world.

Never once I thought that my rambling would have touched someone so deep that he would ask me to deliver an eulogy. I didn't think much of it and agreed because I wanted everyone to know how beautiful my aunt was right to her last breath.

I met my aunt Dilip sometime in the year 2000. My husband, then my boyfriend wanted to introduce me to her. She was the first to embrace me into his and her family. I still remember the warmth she showed me. She didn't ask much questions, she just hugged and made me feel very welcomed. I knew instantly, I liked her very much. She was very lovable, approachable and full of emotions. A beautiful social butterfly that never let anyone feel out of place. 

Her hearty and contagious laughter never ceased to entertain us. No matter what life threw at her she always stayed postivie. She is what I like to refer to as a Chardi Kala person. Always in high spirits and blissful even in trying times; as a sign she was fine with whatever God willed for her. 

What inspired me most was her ability to always smile and laugh despite her battles. Her ability to knock depression out of her door and spend her every moment being surrounded by loved ones. Her words to me couple of month back "I feel that the little time I have left, I am going to enjoy every moment of it and I don’t have time for depression, for God has given me a life to live, so I am doing just that! Therefore live, love, forgive, forget, enjoy and laugh. That is exactly how many remember her till her last few days. 

Despite being sick, she never turned anyone away. She always made room and time for others. She had even put up a note outside her door, urging visitors to wake her if they drop by unannounced because she felt bad missing out on the opportunity to meet some family and friends who came to visit her in the hospital and left without seeing her because she was asleep. That’s a gem of a person, who despite being in pain still cared for others and made them feel appreciated for taking time off their busy schedule to visit her. 

She may not be related to me by blood but we are connected to each other in so many ways. She is my father in law’s sister, my mother in law’s sister, my husband’s confidant, my children’s grandmother and so much more. She has touched so many people's hearts with her beautiful, loving and gentle soul. Although she is not with us today, her memories will live forever. Her lessons will be cherished by me forever. I will always remember her embrace and her beautiful hearty laughter. Forever, Aunty Dilip.

That was my eulogy. Writing it wasn't hard but delivering it was so difficult. My voice was caught and I struggled to form words. I paused too many times to calm and control my tears. I dared not to look up for each time I  did,  I saw teary eyes and it made my eyes blurry. 

There was so much love and pain in that hall. There was so much silence and the only sound audible was my quavering voice trying to deliver an eulogy.

Thank you for stopping by at A cuppa for my thoughts
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  1. Wow, Jasbir, that was so emotional! You were really lucky to have met such a loving angel, as your aunt. it is rare that we come across such gems in our life time. And, they seem rare because although God made us all alike, there are only some who learn to live life the way God wanted us to. Don't you think?

    1. Yes. Not many are capable of living life to the fullest. I always feel like I am missing something or believe if only I had 'that', life would be better. Always comparing and complaining. What she went through and still managed to smile, was a slap on my face. It's time to be grateful for everything I have and don't have.

  2. Nicely put. Writing was your first step, delivering the eulogy the second, and now comes the healing and the mourning. Pace yourself, it is a lifelong project.

  3. When I am nervous, especially around strangers, I talk way too much and giggle myself silly. My kids tell me that instead of coming off annoying I come off like the life of the party. Giving that eulogy and writing here will go a long way to help you process your grief.

    1. It is always great to have people who are just like you. Capable of making everyone comfortable and my aunt was just that.