Almost Single by Advaita Kala

"Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors and, the most patient of teachers" Charles William Elliot

  

I love this quote as it truly describes how I feel about books; books are not judgemental and will never be mad when left unattended.

My last long affair with books came to an abrupt end after the birth of my youngest which was almost three years ago. As I am more settled so did my quest for great books. To help me speed up to pace, I joined a local book club. I am glad I did and the rest is history.

So what do you do with a cupboard full of dusty read books and a low budget for books? Join a local book club and take part in their monthly or quarterly meet-ups. These clubs are a good platform for you to swap away your read books in exchange for some new ones.

I went for my first meet with a box full of books and returned with new interesting reads. It was fun meeting like-minded people and when I saw another copy of a book from my stash, it opened up a whole new chapter for discussion. Connecting with people, had never been easier when you have a common interest.

The first book on my newly acquired list of books was a light read; Almost Single by Advaita Kala (273 pages). A paperback cover with the right size to fit into my handbag. 

Advaita Kala writes about three friends, in their late twenties, on a quest to finding a suitor without giving up their independence in a culture bound by tradition. Independence here refers to their late nights in a bustling and modern New Delhi.

Aisha, a single 29 years old guest relations manager at New Delhi's five-star Grand Orchid Hotel is haunted by the fact that she doesn't have a love life unlike her coterie of friends; a love-stricken puppy who is always in and out of love, an almost divorced girlfriend and a gay couple who seem to have life in a better order than her or her girlfriends. Another important character, her nagging mom that keeps reminding her of her biological ticking clock and dwindling prospects for marriage proposal (because of her age).

This is a typical chick-flick book but I was intrigued to read it because it was set in India. I may not have any experience being a single woman in Delhi but I found it a little hard to digest their lifestyle. 

It was a little too hollywood for a bollywood story line. I often  forgot that I was reading Almost Single or that I was in Delhi because the scenes and characters described sounded so much like an adaptation from an American scene. To bluntly put it, I felt like I was reading another take on Sex in the City; Aisha being Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha and Miranda played by her other two girl friends.

I stuck to this book because I was intrigued to find out more about a young and handsome New Yorker whom she met through an embarrassing encounter, and also her demanding boss (boss from hell) who was having an affair with someone close to his own wife. Everything else was quite standard for a chick lit.

Why did I grab this book?

Because the first page was very promising and I enjoyed how the author introduced Aisha to me.

Would I recommend it?

It is an easy read, something handy to have in your purse in case you are stuck in a bad traffic or someone is running late and need to kill time.

Goodreads rated it 3.15 but I disagree and would give it less than three because I am a little skeptical of the way the author described life in New Dehli.

Book I am reading at the moment (review coming soon)

The Kabul Beauty School by Deborah Rodriguez

 

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It is a love hate relationship

I loved you

We shared the same bed

You once saved me from a venomous insect

and pranced with pride around the dead insect

I fell in love with a wonderful man

He sneezed, with you around

Then you became an outcast

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The game before the game - Girls Footie

Who says football is only for boys? 

Today was my first hand experience at being called a soccer mom and being welcomed to an elite group. It felt nice being part of something though I don't feel anything like a soccer mom. I may have some of her traits but honestly, I am no proper soccer mom. I am just a mom who is crazy about sports.

Today was a thrilling but very tiring day. Kudos to all soccer moms out there who do this tirelessly. Who are still able to keep it together after a footie tournament. By the end of the tournament, I was so exhausted, I willingly handed my iPad to my girls while I napped. A proper soccer mom would have stayed up and cleared the mess in her SUV.

My footie adventures started yesterday itself when I was told my girls, despite being new in the team, were invited to compete in a proper football tournament. After school, I had to rush my tweens and toddler to a neighbouring mall for football jersey that resembled Super Girls' jersey. I also needed to find football shorts, shin guards (my football enthusiast husband said the correct term is shin pads), socks and football boots. Sounds fairly simple but finding these in kids size and for girls was like looking for a needle in haystack. "Why does it have to be pink?!!!" my mind screamed. That is the most unforgiving colour, when in a sports departmental store that doesn't cater for kids' sizes.

Next I threw myself into motherly duties on a Friday evening, making extensive preparation for a proper decent snack that would imply I am coping marvellously on the parental scale. Because a plain peanut butter sandwich made from white plastic bread, has "my mom is lazy" written all over it and I wasn't going to let that tarnish my inaugural participation into this elite team.

For once we made it to a venue 10 minutes ahead of time. So there was no rushing the girls while daddy looked for a parking spot. We even had time to listen to Jungle by X Ambassadors and Jamie N Commons, mentally playing the game before the game scene. How cool was that?

It was a beautiful morning and the field was packed with many teams, all busy doing what footballers do before a big game; coach giving one last run down of their strategy, warming up their limbs and keepers practising their diving skill. Some teams looked like they belonged to a professional football clubs with proper paid coaches and their supporting team.

Teams with professional coach

Super Girls was the only all girls team on that field. Some were impressed and genuinely cheered for them but many were doubtful of their football skills. But these girls did everyone proud. Their defending was impeccable and the opposing team found it very difficult to penetrate to score a goal. They played four matches. They lost their first and third match with one nil. They draw their second and fourth match. Rather remarkable don't you think. And most of the snide remarks died after their second match and the all boys team started taking them seriously.

After their first match

Still smiling despite losing their first match; true sporting spirit

There you have it. My new adventure of being an all girls football team mom, thanks to my children. I got to experience a football tournament not just as a spectator but as part of the team. A beautiful Saturday morning and I am ready for more tournaments because we have been invited for more matches organised by all boys academy. Looks like these girls are paving the way for more girls football team. Bravo!

Fourth placing

Penalty shoot-out; deciding third placing

Good spacing

Under nine teams

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Has academia taken a back seat?

During my schooling days, getting the grades meant everything in securing a bright and successful future. To be successful meant I had to work hard at becoming a doctor, lawyer or an engineer. That was all I would hear from well meaning family members. I was so conditioned by it that I put these three professions as my ambition since primary school although deep down I always wanted and still do want to be a dancer or perform live on stage.

Fast forward to today, I don't fuss over or blow my top off when my children don't get straight A's. I certainly have not lost sleep or appetite because of it. So when my eldest child revealed to me how her friend's mom had not eaten for a whole day because of her child's poor results, (B is considered poor in this mom's eyes) that got me thinking, deep.

My children are young, they’ll always be young in my eyes, and are still discovering this big world we live in. I don't plan to limit their choices or kill their curiosity by fooling them into believing, their success solely depends on their ability ace'ing school examination, especially not at primary school level. I rather have them watching Discovery Channel or reading story books than mugging their school books days before the exam. Even a monkey can be trained, if you train it well.

My husband and I had decided, to never cause unnecessary stress or grievances to ourselves or the children over education. Instead, we show them the importance of acquiring knowledge, being responsible, accountable and most important of all, being a good person to all; mankind, animals and nature. We give them space the grow at their own pace and intervene only when asked for or if it is serious enough for an intervention, like receiving a call from their teacher.

Learning is a life-long process and should not be confined to being book smart alone. We have never taken full charge of their schooling responsibilities by packing their school bags, labelling or colour coding their books. We did however, guide them and explained the importance of their school timetable when they first started school. I don't even rummage through their school bags or go through their books because they are responsible for their own homework. This has thought them about ownership to one’s own responsibility and to respect boundaries.

A lot of importance is placed on play and they are so tuned to outdoor activities. They must go outside and play in the park every evening without fail. They also know they cannot neglect their role as a student and will work quick and smart in completing their homework. These are just a few examples we practice to show them there is more to life than school, and learning opportunities are bountiful. For instance, being in the park could teach them to be agile, learn to make friends with your neighbourhood children, have safe sporting competition, discard waste properly in the bins provided and together maintain the cleanliness of their own park. These learning wouldn't have been possible if I had scheduled extra tuition classes.

Things you don't learn in school

Like I mentioned earlier, they are still young and discovering. I did not want to limit their self discovery by making a list of professions that I deemed fit for them. How can I do that when I have not done what I thought would make me truly happy but I am contented with what I have achieved. I always tell them “if I had known what I do today, I would have done a lot of things differently.”

So that is exactly what I intent to do with my children. I intent to provide an avenue in which they can equip themselves with a lot of knowledge from books, media, electronic gadgets, outdoor camping, group sports, travelling and from family and friends. They pick up what they like and will slowly begin to realise what interests them the most. It doesn’t matter if they keep changing their ambition as they discover new stuff. In fact that is the whole reason why I feel being knowledgeable is more important than scoring straight A’s.

It would be a shame (but not the end of the world) if mid way through their tertiary level studies, they realised they were not cut out for it and decided to drop out of it. Yes, it would be painful to watch my child being indecisive and the money spent sponsoring a program that did not fall through as expected.

This takes us right back to self discovery, the gel that will hold the building blocks they discovered out of curiosity to the foundation, once they make a decision. With that, hopefully, the chances of them dropping out could be reduced to nil, or better still, they would be well equipped to make a right and informed choice, from the start.

It is very refreshing and I breathe a sigh of relief too, when I hear from other like-minded people who are doing exactly the same as my husband and I. Their words act as an affirmation when I start doubting the learning style my children have adopted. Especially when I find myself in a room full of driven parents who don’t share my sentiment. It bugs me more when I learn the amount of effort they put in; driving miles in traffic jam just to ensure they get to bag the best tutor or educator or their children.

Would I some day turn into that worrying and overly driven parent? Perhaps but not necessarily while they are still in their primary education. I don’t want to kill their learning by forcing them to study they way any see it fit. I want them to want to learn. Has it happened so far? Yes, but their learning is so unconventional that it has not awarded them the rewards they should be garnering. If anything, it has only gotten them into some trouble a couple of times in their school because of the conventional learning environment.

I am praying and hoping that our decision to carry on feeding their curiosity would one day show its success. I do hope that we, the parents would have the confidence to say yes to whatever they decide to be or do, when the day comes. After all, we were the one who decided they needed to be independent and discover as much as they can, even if it is not conventional.

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My words in ink and paper (local magazine)

An unexpected lesson

Parenting epiphany, a moment of sudden revelation or insight received as a parent.

A mirage in the middle of town?! I found it hard to grasp because to my limited knowledge, mirages only happen in the deserts. In far away barren lands with hostile living condition that you’d be surprised to see any animals or plants. So what the heck was a mirage doing right in the middle of my town? A bustling town. Was I hallucinating or had I gone into a dream like state, again, at this infamous junction that hasn’t failed at turning unsuspecting decent motorists into hooligans, thanks to the ill timed traffic lights.

My doubts were cast aside when I saw a person walking over this mirage. It was hard to see who, but I could make out it was a beggar from her gestures.

"Is she mad, being out in the sun at this particular junction at this time of the day!?", would have been my usual thought but not today. Today was different because I had been schooled by my tween.

---

A couple of weeks back, while I was stuck at this very junction with my boisterous children, I had ignored a beggar who knocked on my window and drove off without an ounce of guilt. The result was detrimental to my ego.

"How could you?!” muttered my tween daughter. “Would it have made you poorer if had you just handed him some coins from your heavy purse?!" she continued with fat tears rolling down her cheeks. The anger, disappointment and sadness in her voice caught me by surprise and it made me feel so awful, so guilty and so low.

In an instance, our jovial mood had turned grey because of my refusal to help someone in need. It was too late to change what I did then but it had left a lasting impression and I had  learned a life lesson from my child. 

What she said was very matured and made so much sense. Her uncorrupted innocence, managed to prove how flawed my adult reasoning can be sometimes.

There was so much truth in her reasoning. I wouldn't have become poorer by handing the beggar some cash but he sure as hell would have benefited from it.

I am a queen of justification and always had good arguments up my sleeves to back up my actions, even when I was wrong. It was my way to lessen the guilt-trip but this skill was rendered useless, this time. For every justification I made, my tween’s response made me look even more foolish. So what even if the beggar was a cheat or was fooling every driver at the junction into handing him some spare cash? Or that he was just plain lazy to get a job and hence had to beg. “SO WHAT MOM!”

It is amazing, how pure a child’s heart is compared to mine which has been corrupted by many negative thoughts and suspicions.

Today, I had to brush away that negativity and look beyond the tattered clothes. It should not matter to me why this beggar is standing outside my car window, in this smouldering heat, begging. That was her purpose and I had to make a choice. I am glad I did what I did because seeing what that small gesture of mine had brought was more valuable than keeping my purse impregnated. It made her happy and it made me happy.

Every day I am learning new ways to live a little happier by watching my kids and their friends. They are young but they carry so much wisdom in their acts, especially when it concerns love. Their idea of love is so pure and innocent. They don't see colour, creed, race, status or seek recognition for their deeds. They feel with their heart and are not worried about wearing their hearts on their sleeves. They are not afraid of rejection and would ask, over and over again, only to be rejected once more. To live with children is all about learning to live like a connected being and not a single entity.

What did you learn from your children today? 

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Real time connection

It was a tempestuous year that taught me a lot about life, people and karma. It churned me to be a little better and wiser too, or so I would like to believe. It showed me the importance of being present and to appreciate all the good I have in my life - health, environment, wealth, people and animals.

Every day I see my own reflection in my children’s eyes, is a blessing and an opportunity bestowed upon me to try out something new or to repeat something old.

...

At the stroke of midnight every 31st December, I used to exclaim my resolution. It was a tradition I picked up and many I knew were doing it too. However all that has been forgotten over the last decade. I stopped making resolutions because I got real with myself. My resolutions always got swept under a dusty rug either because I don’t have the sustainability in me to keep them or they were not properly thought through. So when my tween asked what was my resolution for 2015, I fell into the same trap of trying to make one up. I had to because she was just too young for my cynicism in relation to resolutions.

Ha! So here I was, in the middle of February with a new year's resolution. A resolution nevertheless even if it was made to feed her curiosity.

Little did I know, that I had actually made that resolution sometime in December, (which was why I was quick at responding to my tween) looking back at the valuable lessons I learned over the past year during a trying time in our family (my mom-in-law’s battle with cancer). A time which brought many of us together and forced us to set our differences (or indifferences) aside. It had taught me to appreciate everything I had in my life, good or bad. To be thankful and to be present. To be grateful for each day even if I dreaded it and wished it to end soon, because her words have etched themselves forever in my mind. "I am sad that I had to suffer this illness to see my family back together, but I am grateful for it."

I learned to accept people for who they are and accept their way of life, no matter how different or weird it may seem to me. I learned to be comfortable at being just me and not change in another person's company just to fit in.

Seeing the amount people, from near and far, that stepped up to offer support at my mother-in-law's funeral was an eye opener. Flashbacks of another funeral long ago began playing in my mind. I remembered seeing as many people for my dad’s funeral too but I was too young to understand the significance of it, I do today.

Both my dad and mom in law must have been very good community people to receive such an overwhelming send off at their funeral or was it that people in the past were more connected than the generation now? I wondered.

I am no exception. I too had become too preoccupied with my little family that my world shrunk and revolved around only a handful of people. Life in my little world was comfortable and it made me feel like I was the greatest mom ever, by placing all of me - my every waking moment, into looking after their needs and wants.

My family became my top priority and I turned down many requests or invitations for weddings, reunions, dinners, parties or meet-ups because these inconvenienced the setting's of my little world. I always had an excuse up my sleeve whenever any chance to reconnect with others interfered with my children’s nap time, play time, feeding time, school, music lessons and so much more. I had grown accustomed to my new mundane routine life and I liked what I had or was too lazy to change it.

I turned into a desperate housewives who craved for some connection other than my virtual connection and that's when I realised, I had my mothering (not parenting) all wrong. Although the past cannot be erased or rewind, I learned a lot from it and I am grateful that I did sooner, than later.

My realisation came the day I started believing in enough is OK. It was easy for me to believe that because I was never a go-getter, chasing after the best in everything but somehow, without me knowing it, I became exactly that in my mothering journey - always trying to ensure that my children got the best of the best; meals, a spick-and-span home, and safe environment, just to name a few.

All that is history and my kids are still happy and alive! They’re happier now that we are going out more often, meeting more people and learning new stuff. They did not turn into little gremlins like I thought they would if they had missed their nap, food was served late, they had to dig out their clothes from my piled up laundry basket (I am cringing as I confess to this) or had to wear pyjamas, all day long.

Children are amazing! They adapt so much easier compared to adults. They have proven to be survivors and fend for themselves without my meddling.

They occupied themselves while I learned to adapt to connecting, face to face, with other people. Touchy, feely, breathing, smelly with no screen protector people! Feeling people’s emotions, laughter and sorrow in real time, without any delay or buffering. I learned to do it the old-school way, how it was and should be. I slowly, brick by brick, built my own (real) community, the way my dad and mom in law stayed connected with their community. It is a slow progress because without my keyboard to communicate my thoughts, I feel handicapped. Luckily no one has come up with some smart label for this or else there would be one new disorder I would be belting up.

I am not erasing my past, I am simply rewinding it and adding important details to it. Details which I had forgotten in these past years.

Happy New Year, even if I am late by a couple of months but lets celebrate because every day above the ground, is a good day.

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Creamy Coconut Mushrooms and Spinach Pasta

We are not Italians but Italian food seems to dominate our weekly food menu. The biggest fans are my kids. Even the toddler doesn't get tired of it. Their all time favourite is pasta. Cook it any way and it is always a hit!

If given a choice, creamy pasta and lasagne would be their pick. The creamy and the gooey cheesy texture, almost like mac and cheese would be their demand but we all know too much of anything is never good.

So let's get straight to today's recipe. It is vegetarian and vegan friendly too. This recipe is so versatile that you can un-vegetarianise (sorry that's not even a real word, I know) it by adding some pieces of chicken breast or left over pulled pork or chicken, roast chicken, bacon, turkey ham, prawns or tuna flakes or chunks. The options are limitless.

Ingredients

250gm Drum wheat semolina spaghetti cooked al dente

200gm baby spinach (washed and drained)

200gm white mushroom sliced (Portobello mushrooms would give a meatier taste)

1 large onion sliced thin (we want rings)

2 heaping tablespoons coconut cream (or more, depending on your preference)

2 tablespoons of coconut or olive oil

Salt and pepper to taste

Optional:
If you like some heat, add sliced fresh chili before taking out saute onions or chili flakes to give it some oomph! If you want to indulge then turn this pasta into a star by replacing oil with pure butter and add a little fresh cream towards the end to give it a glistening appeal.

Method

Saute the onions in a heavy deep pan with a tablespoon of oil until they are brown and aromatic. Remove and drain them on kitchen towel. Add another tablespoon of oil and the sliced mushroom into the same pan. Saute until these turn brown too. Be patient as this may take a while. Once the mushrooms sucks up all its sweat, that's when they are perfectly cooked. Raw foodies will not agree with me on this.

Return browned onions back into the pan, throw in the baby spinach and give it a quick stir. You can add some salt at this point or towards the end before adding the cooked spaghetti.

Before adding coconut, you must dilute it with some warm water and let it simmer for a minute. Then mix to combine all ingredients, add salt and pepper to taste and finally add in the cooked spaghetti. Lunch is served! 

But, like I mentioned earlier, my kids enjoy cheese on almost anything and are able to tolerate it, I added 1/2 cup of shredded, aged cheddar cheese. 

This is the point the spaghetti in the pan starts speaking to you, sploosh, sploosh, sploosh.

Vegans, look away.

Whole load of cheese

A pictorial guide just for you.

This makes a great tiffin food for kids to pack in their insulated lunch box. I made this spaghetti at 11.30 am and it was still warm at 2pm.

Hope you will enjoy making and eating it as much as we did and let us know how was it. If you improvised it, please do share that too.

Here is a prove! My toddler enjoying her gooey lunch. It was so good, she decided to eat it with her fingers. Finger licking good.

Thanks! Do stay tuned and if you liked this recipe, go over to my recipe page for more.

For more recipes, please head over to my Recipes page

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